Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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