The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
