he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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