He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
