I think my fart just growled at me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
