my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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