I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
