My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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