So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize