Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
