actually, I'm a sock model
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
