And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
