I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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