I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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