I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
