Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
