My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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