I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
