He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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