haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
