If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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