When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
