office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My bed smells like the plague
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
