I hate all girls vehemently.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
