How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
zippers are such a cool invention
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Less talking, more tequila
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
