No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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