Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
