kristin has been a bad kristin
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
