The best revenge is premature balding
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
