my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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