do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
