apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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