This is not my ceiling
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
