I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
