Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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