What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
home. puking in laundry basket.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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