he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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