I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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