I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
