I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We have so much sex to catch up on
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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