rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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