I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Your cock deserves a montage
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
