My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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