i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
