Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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