i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
