I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
