theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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