After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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