I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize