I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
