I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
