I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
