just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize