you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
