just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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