WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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