Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
