apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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