I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
