my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
