I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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