and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize