So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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