Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
