We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
