pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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