Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I can text with my tongue
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
