Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
