Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize