I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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