Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My pussy is not your playground.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
