my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
