This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
