you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
