After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
