Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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