I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
