maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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