Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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