nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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