The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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