in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
