you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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