I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
