Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
