The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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