According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
