You're my little dorito
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
