brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize