she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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