I heard we made out
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize