I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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