I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
