The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I cockslap morals
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
