God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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