We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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