Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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