I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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