He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
