Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
