Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize