it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
