Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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