This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
