we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
