Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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